Every year it's the same. The moment the last Christmas Bell chimes on TV, the chimp in the control room flicks the switch to start the week-long cavalcade of maudlin newsclips of long forgotten celebrities who have passed on. But, what about those people who you just wish would move on...fade into the background of obscurity.
Therefore I propose a new list - those people who have officially milked their 15 minutes of fame dry. People for which the world would be a better place if we never heard from them again. Therefore, I submit the official list of "Top 10 Has-Beens for 2010"
#1 - Paris Hilton
In the worst recession since The Great Depression, the nation is hardly in the mood to care about the antics of lazy, spoiled "celebutants" like Paris Hilton. So unless, her version of the Simple Life involves spanging on the streets of Hollywood like the crackwhore she was always meant to be, the cameras are off... #2 - Perez Hilton
Let's be honest: blogging is not journalism. It's basically a diary on the internet. And the opinions expressed therein should taken will all the seriousness of those of a 13 year-old-girl who's experiencing the joys of PMS. Perez Hilton is that girl. Only with more zits...
#3 Joe The Plumber
We may never know what "Joe-The-Whatever" really was...a plumber, a Christian martyr, a Republican party hack, a scab worker or the pre-eminent voice of "the Tea Party"...but's one thing is for sure...he was clearly a loud-mouth moron that no one ever listened to -or should have listened to - from the outset. Last time, we heard, he had headed off to the Holy Land to solve the whole "Jew-Palestinian Thing". Good luck with that. Don't come back until it's fixed...
#4 Bristol Palin
I am sure everyone is wondering why I didn't put this girl's mother at the top of this list...but I knew that Sarah would be haunting the political landscape like a toxic tsunami that is flooding the country with filth-strewn rhetoric. She did not disappoint. But the daughter has no place in the media. Any sane and decent politician knows to keep their kids out of the public eye...but that's why Momma Grizzly isn't a sane or a decent politician...
#5 Lindsay Lohan
This woman's spectacular spiral has destroyed whatever glimmer of talent some agent (re: her mom) saw in her as a tween. At this point she is more famous for being infamous than she ever was for having any talent. However, a good actress knows when it's time to take a bow and get off the stage. The verdict: Let the curtin drop!# 6 Reichen Lehmkuhl
Reichen may be easy on the eyes...but frankly I'm growing tired of seeing this guy. No amount of exposure on reality TV, softcore porn and boy-band boyfriends will lead to a real movie career. That requires talent. Even the good stuff this guy does for DADT seems to be a desparate bid for face time in front of the camera in the hopes of making it to the big screen. Never. gonna. happen. As a former Air Force pilot I would have thought he would have learned something about integrity. It's time to take off... and disappear into clear blue yonder.
#7 Snooki
The only thing that makes this person less odious than other reality show "stars" is that she is too clueless to even try to milk the spotlight. Other garbage from the Jersey Shore is sure to wash up on TV (re: The Situation) and equally deserves to be on this list of cultural rejects...but if I put them all on here, it would exceed my limit of the top 10. And I don't want to give these 8 douchebags any more exposure than they already got...#8 Octomom
What's the carbon load on a baby?...times 8? This woman's uterus should be declared an environmental superfund site. Bringing 8 more hungry mouths into this crowded world of 8 billion is just plain mean... Her attempt to gain sympathy and public financial support for her embroynic experiment not only demonstrates her unfitness to be a parent, but her mental unfitness. If ever there was a case for forced sterilization...#9 Kate Gosselin
What is with the number 8? It must be bad luck, cuz this woman's life fell apart when she brought 8 little rug rats into this world. I don't blame the hubby for walking out on this narcisisstic breeder. At least he had the decency to get off the air. No one wants to watch a single mother change 8 diapers simultaneously. Pure TV poison. Give it up...#10 Carrie Prejean
Face it: Regardless of your answer to the question from idiot #2, you didn't win Miss America. You lost. Get off the stage!!!
